What they say and what they mean.....

There is something called falsification and there is something called factually correct but totally misleading statements...and corporate life is full of the second one. Though my experience with this species has been short, there are some statements which really amuse me...and the sad part is that they get repeated with alarming frequency...Statements which prima-facie say something but in essence mean something very different...Here, I attempt to pen few such statements that I can think of..(the left hand side is the statement and the right hand side is the actual meaning of the same)

• We are in the process of building up>>> We have been faced with an exodus and we are trying to get people to join us. As of now, we are very thinly staffed.
• Comfort with ambiguity>>> I dont know a shit about the problem you are grappling with. Please do on ur own..with help from...Google (obviously)
• You are at the point of influxion in the learning curve>>> I know you havent learnt anything from me till now...hope in future u can....
• We do not hire people for salary>>> We pay peanuts
• We are a dynamic organization>>> Our attrition rate is over 100%
• We do not believe in fleecing the client and that approach shows in our attitude towards the employees as well>>> Dont expect anything on the employee welfare front from us
• We did not select the guy cause he didnt show a willingess to learn>>> I have no rational reason for not selecting the guy...The cause is in my will
• We will try to bring about change management>> There is no benchmark for my performance appraisal...worst there is no deliverable
• Tell me...where does the organization need to improve..Cumon be frank>> Give me ammunition so that i can fuck ur happiness when i need to do so...
• The organization will get fresh blood with these guys joining>> These guys have nothing tangible to show...
• Our gentleman brings in an amazing breadth of experience across various industries>> Bloody rolling stone

Teaching 29 to a derivatives guy

Now, this was going to be fun....Firday nite..and me unusually late in office....nevertheless determination knows no bound and i knew that i wouldnt screw up my weekend welcome by sitting at my apartment and watching Altaf Raja in his new avtaar crooning alongwith a bunch of semi-nude females imitating a-la Demi Moore gyrating infront of a salivating Burt Reynolds in Striptease.... So, moi sent a couple of sms'es..the typical....kya scene and as luck would have it, found some folks ready to come down for a round (and some more) of beer and a game of cards.... KG and his juny (and our new found friend from F-17, Viay Gupta) confimed their presence...Atul and Rajesh were alredy there..KG would be coming late..which meant that till midnite we had to play 29...but one guy had to be taught...and it had to be Vinay...Atul took the onerous task of doing that...one Private Equity guy teaching a Derivatives guy,,,,how to play 29....check it out..snippets of the conversation... Atul: Party, u start bidding from 16 and go upto 29...or 32.. Vinay: U mean 16 is the floor and 29/32 is the cap.. Atul:..aree mast.....dekh, u bid based on your 4 cards and the remaining 4 will come later Vinay: Mane ki...call option Atul:...mache diye ho....agar kismat achi chal rahi hai to colour banate rahna chahiye.... Vinay: haan haan, duniya bull run main paise banati hai... Atul: acha sun....u should also see samne wala kaise colour banata hai..etc etc Vinay: aree wahi na..refer to technical analysis for past behaviour Atul: ekdamn sahi...dekh, agar samne wala ka risk appetite jyada hoga to woh gande cards main bhi colour banayega.... Vinay: aree haan re, hedge fund aur private equity investment main difference to hota hi hai Atul: 7th card ka bhi funda hota hai....but its very risky.. Vinay: bola to, selling a call option in a bull market.... Atul: but agar woh single card nikla to u can change the card Vinay: matlab hedging available hai.... And so the discussion went on...Vinay learnt a great deal and we were swamped with words like market skimming, call/put, hedging etc etc and for us it was ...as they said in Indore..machau

It's enuf....

Unfortunately, for the last year and half or so, I have been seeing tragedies... to me and to people close enough to affect me...infact there have been more...with people acquianted to me ...but for them I havent really bothered beyond that required by basic humanitarian or social grounds...but even after trying my level best to keep myself cheerful, every now and then something or the other has happened which has made me real upset and sorry. There have been deaths, there have been diseases, worse there has been heartbreaks, there has been shocks, there has been a change in the course of life for worse and there has been waiting for the tragedy to happen...and there has been the facade of cheer and normalcy beneath all the pain and sorrow, which u know that someone is putting but then u dont know what to do and let it continue as it is. Infact some of the instances that I have come to know about a few people close to me are such that in our normal lives, we would otherwise associate such things to only some melodramatic piece of fiction. But one striking thing is that all events in life thankfully come with a "the end". Every night has a following sunrise and the worst part in life is when you sleep knowing that today wasnt the worst and tomorrow could be just that bad day you had been waiting for, something you pray and wish didnt happen but know it has to...if not tomorrow, a day later..a few days later but will happen soon. I personally think thats the worst part in life, waiting for some imminent tragedy to strike, some death, some bereavment. One of my friends went through just that and having seen so much myself, I only pray for him that things turn for better soon. Afterall, somewhere there has to be an end.....it cant go on like this for ever..... Being on my own for a decade or so and being associated with some of the nastiest people anyone could come across have made me kind of a stoic and have a typical," I care a fuck"....but of late, there has been such a series of bad news for close people that I get real upset and sorry and even more worrying is the awareness of the fact that what i know is only a part of the problem...no rational person would go on with a crying face, knowing fully well how people shun them.....Hope i get to hear some good news from my folks soon...and god willing it should be comming from people who deserve a smile...really deserve one... Amen