Kite Runner...What an amazing book!!!

Today morning, i finished reading this book and I must tell I have been very lucky to have laid my hands upon two damn sexy books in succession, the first being Many lives, Many masters... Kite Runner...doesnt have some out of the world amazing story nor does it state something as intriguing as past life as was the case in the other book but the sheer narrative of the story leaves you spell-bound plus its depiction of self-guilt, insecurity and above all the way life comes a full circle is truly amazing...I got so lost in the book that i neither brushed my teeth nor had my breakfast till afternoon...:) When I was reading through the book, I couldnt help but think of the wreck that is caused by ghosts inside us, either on account of grave secrets we have, our past lives or anything but these are stuff that leave us drenched and affect us in more than one ways..We pretend normalcy, we pretend happiness but thats not the case, deep inside there are these lingering feelings that just dont go away and haunt us wherever we go, whatever we do...the past actually never dies..we might run away from it, hide it but then it does haunt us..and not everyone has the guts nor are situations always that conducive for us to become a la the wife of the protagonist who could reveal all her past demons and shed the albatross...more often than not we are like her husband...just reeling under it, suffering and unable to do a shit about it...

Another thing that got me really thinking is about the vagaries of life..think about it...how suddenly his best friend got molested...how suddenly he realized that his servant was actually his half brother...two of the most defining moments of his life..moments that changed the course of his life and he couldnt do a shit about them...he couldnt plan for them...he couldnt have expected them even in his wildest imagination and worst still...whats his fault that life did this to him...what was his damn fault...in the first case, he was just a enthusiastic kid participating in a tournament..and in the second he was only a caring person visiting a person he loved so much...why did life have to bring so much chaos and catch him so unawares like this..??

Neverthelss...no point getting into these aspects....what u wish and what u can do are always two different things...

The year that was...

The year is drawing to a close and I thought why not do an appraisal of how it went. Ideally i should have waited for another two days to write this piece but then..chalta hai... So 2006...When i look back at it, there is nothing that makes me happy ..either on a personal or a professional front...though there have been some plus points peppered randomly but even those i think were only a handful...Nevertheless, whats the point in feeling fucked and brooding..lets look at the things that went well/learnings and be happy...

• Firmed my belief that people who are your own are the people that matter...and even if u fight/disagree/abuse each other..they are the only ones u can rely on at the direst of situation and I am happy to have such friends..Touchwood...
• Learned the importance of humility...there is a shit under your own control..so dont think yourself as the master of your destiny..or having the reigns of your life in your hand...
• To succeed all you need is good stuff between your ears...brains and luck...and u need them both...more so the latter..so that explains assholes who are better off than you...and accept that...
• Resumed writing...albiet stupid blogs like this...after a hiatus of close to a decade...
• Resumed reading...
• Made one serious attempt at kicking the butt...
• Shed the albatross of the perception of a very average guy in my ex-organization.(i think so...may be wrong)..with one Business Development and one project...Thank God, there is something called recency effect and if i have to take some reference from them, they will forget my initial stint there..
• Managed to appear very intelligent in a job interview and get a 30% pay hike:)
• Increased the circumference of my waist by an inch...a cool 3.5% improvement

And I think thats abt it...definitely not good enough...but then theres something called law of averages and I am looking forward to it manifesting itself in my life in 2007...

Cheers..

Feelin Gud.....

Since morning I havent had a smoke....not a single one...not even at the time of going for the morning loo, not even after food....Thank God!! and thank Suvidha for doing all the research and buying the patches for me and thank Amit for bringing them over. I am feeling good..Hope i continue feeling good... I had planned to start using it today for some time now. I am off for three days and hence would i have required some rest or soemthing, this would be a good time. But thankfully, this patch is quite a sexy thing....The migration has been quite effortless...no aching of arms, no headache, no feeling of being clamped down...Sahi chez hai...Hope the migration from pathces to nothing is smooth as well... I am not against indulgences...but apart from the negative effects of smoking, what i hated about it was that I was becoming a slave to it...and becoming a slave to anything is bad....And hopefully i wont touch the butt again..Amen And yes..did i tell u last nite i had a blast to celebrate turning a new page in my life...

Not so subtle undertones...

I was listening to this wonderful song..."Kuch to log kahenge" picturised on Rajesh Khanna and Sharmila Tagore...evening setting...and Mr. Khanna kind of coaxing the lady in the song in a room..And in this context I thought, why not try to decipher what the undertones of the song really mean...and here's what my wela mind has produced....(there are the lyrics and the undertone explained in italics)...enjoy... (Credits: The author sincerely thanks Atul Kumar for inputs on concept and specific inferences) kuchh to log kahenge, logaan kaa kaam hain kahanaa chhodo, bekaar kee baato mein , kahee beet naa jaaye rainaa “Come on Baby...dont waste time...dont fear the world...lets make the best use of the weather/ambiance/mood...” kuchh reet jagat kee ayesee hai har yek subah kee shaam huyee too kaun hai, teraa naam hain kyaa seetaa bhee yahaa badanaam huyee Now this is even more sinister...Touching on the appealing mythological chord...This is real coaxing…And what a logic, “ Look! People malign everyone…even the mighty Goddess!. So since as it is u r going to be maligned, you might as well (u know what)…….” fir kyo sansaar kee baaton se bheeg gaye tere nainaa “So Baby...pls dont think abt the world...dont bother..dont let a stupid guilt feeling come in between...(u know what).” hum ko jo taane dete hai hum khoye hain in rang raliyon me hum ne un ko bhee chhup chhup ke aate dekhaa in galiyon me ye sach hain zoothhee baat nahee And the last leg…equally touching..though on a different level…”Everyone does it…even people who voice loudly against indulgences have fun…So Baby, don’t worry…enjoy…and even if someone sees, it wont matter…I have seen them as well….so it will be mutual scratching of back” tum bolo ye sach hain naa “U agree to whatever i say...right???…..Cumon….”

In a poignant mode...

Last nite I was reading this pretty physcic book...Many lifes Many Masters...The story is essentially a narrative of a physciatrist of his experiences with a patient of his who starts talking of her earlier births, stage of non physical existence between two births and how some people meet across births.... I must say it was damn interesting...so much so that i finished the whole book at one go..the whole 200 odd pages... I mean stuff like these make u think...think aspects other than the typical.."job sucks, money sucks, boss sucks and there is no wife/gf to suck" stuff....I dont know how people react to reading stuff like this but for me, some of the things really made me think...think till late in the night, lying alone in my bed..and thinking about bizzare stuff; things like, What science justify's Mozart's brilliance at such an age???... However there was something towards which my mind drifted and somehow i was trying to relate the two of them, though that might be a bit too far fetched... Everyday i take an auto from my apartment to office in BKC and end up getting struck in traffic and seeing a bunch of urchins in absolutely sad state of existence...some of the instances are so sad that they put u completely off track....I recall seeing a battered young lady every day....must not be more than 17-18 years of age, begging...and she was pregnant...and a few days back i saw her begging..but this time with a difference.a deflated stomach and..she had a baby in her arms...I was like holy shit...how unfair life can be... Nevertheless i came back to my apartment and one of my friends called up.."Yaar, meri kismat to total c$#@%& hui hai...sala boss didnt give me the required salary hike" At that point in time, i couldnt help but completely ignore him....when i have jsut been a spectator (silent.i.e..i infact wanted to give her some money or something but knew that if i did, i would have a difficult time warding off the hoard of beggers who would flock)....to such unfairness of life, by no stretch of imagination I could bring myself to agree with this frnd of mine who considered being off by a lakh of rupees as bad. And last night, after reading the book, I was thinking about this very beggar....what's her folly that she was born in a house/slum like that and currently in a state like this...what's the damn fault of teh child that he was born to a beggar mom and was on the streets even before he has spend a month in this world.. In any other state, I would have been branded physco for taking my supposedly educated, scientific and rationale driven mind into these realms but last night for a change I was thinking about things at a level slightly higher from our mundane worries and I didnt want to be ashamed of it....

What they say and what they mean.....

There is something called falsification and there is something called factually correct but totally misleading statements...and corporate life is full of the second one. Though my experience with this species has been short, there are some statements which really amuse me...and the sad part is that they get repeated with alarming frequency...Statements which prima-facie say something but in essence mean something very different...Here, I attempt to pen few such statements that I can think of..(the left hand side is the statement and the right hand side is the actual meaning of the same)

• We are in the process of building up>>> We have been faced with an exodus and we are trying to get people to join us. As of now, we are very thinly staffed.
• Comfort with ambiguity>>> I dont know a shit about the problem you are grappling with. Please do on ur own..with help from...Google (obviously)
• You are at the point of influxion in the learning curve>>> I know you havent learnt anything from me till now...hope in future u can....
• We do not hire people for salary>>> We pay peanuts
• We are a dynamic organization>>> Our attrition rate is over 100%
• We do not believe in fleecing the client and that approach shows in our attitude towards the employees as well>>> Dont expect anything on the employee welfare front from us
• We did not select the guy cause he didnt show a willingess to learn>>> I have no rational reason for not selecting the guy...The cause is in my will
• We will try to bring about change management>> There is no benchmark for my performance appraisal...worst there is no deliverable
• Tell me...where does the organization need to improve..Cumon be frank>> Give me ammunition so that i can fuck ur happiness when i need to do so...
• The organization will get fresh blood with these guys joining>> These guys have nothing tangible to show...
• Our gentleman brings in an amazing breadth of experience across various industries>> Bloody rolling stone

Teaching 29 to a derivatives guy

Now, this was going to be fun....Firday nite..and me unusually late in office....nevertheless determination knows no bound and i knew that i wouldnt screw up my weekend welcome by sitting at my apartment and watching Altaf Raja in his new avtaar crooning alongwith a bunch of semi-nude females imitating a-la Demi Moore gyrating infront of a salivating Burt Reynolds in Striptease.... So, moi sent a couple of sms'es..the typical....kya scene and as luck would have it, found some folks ready to come down for a round (and some more) of beer and a game of cards.... KG and his juny (and our new found friend from F-17, Viay Gupta) confimed their presence...Atul and Rajesh were alredy there..KG would be coming late..which meant that till midnite we had to play 29...but one guy had to be taught...and it had to be Vinay...Atul took the onerous task of doing that...one Private Equity guy teaching a Derivatives guy,,,,how to play 29....check it out..snippets of the conversation... Atul: Party, u start bidding from 16 and go upto 29...or 32.. Vinay: U mean 16 is the floor and 29/32 is the cap.. Atul:..aree mast.....dekh, u bid based on your 4 cards and the remaining 4 will come later Vinay: Mane ki...call option Atul:...mache diye ho....agar kismat achi chal rahi hai to colour banate rahna chahiye.... Vinay: haan haan, duniya bull run main paise banati hai... Atul: acha sun....u should also see samne wala kaise colour banata hai..etc etc Vinay: aree wahi na..refer to technical analysis for past behaviour Atul: ekdamn sahi...dekh, agar samne wala ka risk appetite jyada hoga to woh gande cards main bhi colour banayega.... Vinay: aree haan re, hedge fund aur private equity investment main difference to hota hi hai Atul: 7th card ka bhi funda hota hai....but its very risky.. Vinay: bola to, selling a call option in a bull market.... Atul: but agar woh single card nikla to u can change the card Vinay: matlab hedging available hai.... And so the discussion went on...Vinay learnt a great deal and we were swamped with words like market skimming, call/put, hedging etc etc and for us it was ...as they said in Indore..machau

It's enuf....

Unfortunately, for the last year and half or so, I have been seeing tragedies... to me and to people close enough to affect me...infact there have been more...with people acquianted to me ...but for them I havent really bothered beyond that required by basic humanitarian or social grounds...but even after trying my level best to keep myself cheerful, every now and then something or the other has happened which has made me real upset and sorry. There have been deaths, there have been diseases, worse there has been heartbreaks, there has been shocks, there has been a change in the course of life for worse and there has been waiting for the tragedy to happen...and there has been the facade of cheer and normalcy beneath all the pain and sorrow, which u know that someone is putting but then u dont know what to do and let it continue as it is. Infact some of the instances that I have come to know about a few people close to me are such that in our normal lives, we would otherwise associate such things to only some melodramatic piece of fiction. But one striking thing is that all events in life thankfully come with a "the end". Every night has a following sunrise and the worst part in life is when you sleep knowing that today wasnt the worst and tomorrow could be just that bad day you had been waiting for, something you pray and wish didnt happen but know it has to...if not tomorrow, a day later..a few days later but will happen soon. I personally think thats the worst part in life, waiting for some imminent tragedy to strike, some death, some bereavment. One of my friends went through just that and having seen so much myself, I only pray for him that things turn for better soon. Afterall, somewhere there has to be an end.....it cant go on like this for ever..... Being on my own for a decade or so and being associated with some of the nastiest people anyone could come across have made me kind of a stoic and have a typical," I care a fuck"....but of late, there has been such a series of bad news for close people that I get real upset and sorry and even more worrying is the awareness of the fact that what i know is only a part of the problem...no rational person would go on with a crying face, knowing fully well how people shun them.....Hope i get to hear some good news from my folks soon...and god willing it should be comming from people who deserve a smile...really deserve one... Amen

Segmentation Analysis- The fairer sex in Toto's

I love Toto's in Bandra..The music, the ambiance, the food, the price-value equation...everything there is so amazing...One of these nites when we were sitting over there ( as usual Lukhi junta)..and eyeing various females across the lenght and breadth of that place..we noticed that we were assigning different adjectives for different females present over there...babe/ non-male/ bitch/Ladies/ bachi/aunty/yuck/Technology/LT-ST/hot/piping hot...etc etc...so me thought that as it is I am not doing any work out here...why not try to create a reference document for all these words...no sexist stuff here...just what these mean...:) Babe: U dont know where the female will fit in but she does look pretty attractive...they are a segment whose boundaries are very flexible..i mean if there are more beautiful females around, she will become a female and if there are none..she will be labelled.hot..u know very circumstantial... Non-Male: No descriptions requried...All of us know what it means. Bitch: U look at her.she turns around and either holds the hands of her accompanying male friend/cuddles up with him/kisses him.and then looks at u through the corners of her eyes..with one wicked smile..what a BITCH Ladies: They constitute that rare set of females who accompany males of our category to Toto's and hence are referred to with respect Bachi:Totos is full of females of this category, all looking young, faking maturity, ciggi in one hand, bacardi breezer in another...yelling and jumping the moment they see their friends....amazing enthu group..and ya at times they make u be aware of how old we have become...muah...:( Aunty: Most of them dressed in a manner showing that they r straight coming from office...mid-aged...psued...lot of charm and grace.generally with men significantly younger..A sure shot way of identying Aunties: A female talking on the cell-phone..Dear, I will be late...am out on a office party with some collegues & wink...Mast wala lie!!! Yuck: This segment is very person to person dependent...but everyone finds a set of females there..u see them and say..Yuck... Technology: You look at them, find them attractive....so far so good. But as it always happens u give a second look...and what do u find...had it not been for the advancements in science/technology (cosmetics, surgery, etc etc) she wouldnt have deserved even a glance..forget a look.Lolz... LT-ST: The set of females u want to take home to when your Mom is there....thats LT...(long term).....ST (short term) is simple: desire to take her to the house when your Mom is not there... Hot: Thats the reason why u find Tots filled with lukha people like me... Piping Hot: They are what is called."visual viagra"...now cumon guys...this is a public blog.cant get more explicit... Cheers!!!

Good Strategy...Bad execution

A consultant, lets call him Mr. X was the perfect poster boy of consulting...he ate, drank, breathed and did everything like a consultant...so here was Mr. X, dressing up every day in a black suit (bought from the wardrobe allowance he received), a nice shirt with pearl cuffling, and needless to say accompained by his Mont Blanc pen, Omega watch and obviously his blackberry and cellphone, carrying ET (which he never read, except the headlines to present his view infront of teh client), and going to office in a Orix cab (whose bill, obv was foot by the client) and then helping (or whatever) clients in solving their CEO's "top of the mind concerns". So far so good.....but then Mr. X spotted a girl...a babe so to say....and he couldnt stop uttering,,"God! i must congratulate her parents for such wonderful value creation!". The girl heard that and came to ask him if he said something. Cornered, he could utter only one thing..."Lady, can we take this offline please" and the lady impressed by his manners, handed over her cell phone number to him..X opened his mouth to say ."Great....Thanks...mark my word...we'll keep this channel of communication open with no elements of intermediation" So started the love story of Mr. X...he courted his babe, lets call her Ms X...and ultimately her parents called him home to discuss marriage....he did his best to stretch the diagnostic period but in front of Ms X's concerns he had no option but to succumb and thus was borne his strategic alliance with Ms X. On marriage day, he promised his in-laws and everyone present there.."I swear, it will be a win-win situation for everyone involved" and with this promise Mr. and Ms (now Mrs) X moved up the value-chain!!! But then he faltered in his execution and soon his Monday morning to Friday evening outstation trips became too much of a bottleneck in the relationship for Mrs X and she started looking for external help to solve her top of the mind (and body) concerns...Mr. X started facing competition and silently some invisible hand (or d$%k) started gaining market (or bed) share....Mr X was usual busy in what he called...professional requirement and Mrs X was experiencing her moments of truth...slowly but steadily an unknown new face had become the market leader. Mrs X decided that handling two relationships was getting too much for her span of control and she seeked Divorce...when she decided this Mr. X as usual was away at a client's place giving a presentation on..."How to back up a good strategy with an equally great execution"...

Lemme go!!!!

I remember one of those HR classes, when I was awake and hence hearing the discussion. It was on the utility of Alumni Network, companies create and the prime reason that came forward for its existence was that it helped spread a good word about the organization by the ex-employee and keep ties with the firm; it’s a small world after all… However, when I see the situation around me, things seem to be quite different. I don’t know what bosses have in mind when they create pain for the leaving employee when they know that all they are doing is making him leave with a bad taste. Are they that naïve to think that the employee will good mouth the company even when they are treated so badly or have they not heard of recency effect, wherein when you move out, the thing that remains most with you are the last moments, the final days. Till date, I must say I have been very lucky on this count: be it the three farewell parties, the pen with my name embossed on it, assurance of discounted booze while in campus and the return flight with my choice of office car for Airport drop (they proposed an office car pick me up in Cal as well but I was like…oye bas bhi karo)…at Seagram (It’s a dream to expect all these nowadays) or the really smooth exit along with the monetary relief at TSMG (I had to pay the firm something around 65K which they worked around to ensure that I don’t have to), I have had good exists. Talking of recency effect, I think for me it manifested extremely well at one of these companies of whom I never thought too highly of, courtesy some issues and more than that the stories crated out of those issues but my view of that place did quite a vaulte face by the way the HR and Admin treated me at the time of leaving. One year of image formation changed quite a lot in one day…Amazing na!!!! But then when I look around at a lot of places, bosses including line bosses and HR, give such pain to the leaving employees that they just want to walk out of this shit. Ties are cut-off, people are bad mouthed, clients are lied to, settlement is unjustifiably held up, employees are made to run for Form 16, and all efforts are made to ensure that the employee is as pissed off as can be. And then comes one of the biggest facades of Corporate India: The Exit Interview. The boss/HR will tell you things about how big plans the company had for you, how well you were placed to cash in on the growth the company was about the witness blah blah and then comes the most amazing of all lines, “So, where do you think we can improve?.” And then you know that one honest negative feedback and your settlement etc will be hung up for god knows how long..So what do you do? Simple: say lines like, “Well, I don’t think I am in a position to comment on something as serious as areas of organizational improvements but I think you could do some things to boost employee morale, maybe u know increase communication levels..blah blah….” (though that’s not the case everywhere) And what when he leaves..the HR/Boss will come and gladly spread the word around…U know such and such person really wasn’t fitting with our organizational culture or a thing or two about the competence (or the lack of it) the employee had…knowing fully aware that he is speaking utter crap and that even the audience knows abt it!!!!

Friday Syndrome....

I can work on any day any time; morning, evening, day, night, Sunday, Monday…but Fridays. I don’t know what’s the reason but I just cannot work on Fridays, especially post lunch. Lunch karke lauto and immediately somehow I start visualizing the lanes of Bandra infront of me, or if not Bandra, the scene in my apartment or Khemkas as it is called, with me and a group of my lukha friends. There is something associated with Friday afternoons and evenings. Somehow I just cannot keep my mind from meandering here and there; I just cannot sit in a discussion; I cannot keep my tie intact; I simply cannot help myself from sending those numerous sms’s, “raat ka kya scene”. For quite some time now, courtesy the absence of lack of like minded people in office, be it Abhinav, Suri, Vimal etc in Seagram or Patki, Punda, Aditya in TSMG I have always had a ball on Friday evenings. I mean its so natural and automatic to keep staring at your watch, do nothing, make plans and head to a pub on a Friday night…its so ingrained and become a part of us now. So attuned had I become of this that I can’t think of any other activity. However, of late when I have made a sincere attempt to sanitize my life, I still find myself having this “Friday no work syndrome” and my legs automatically dragging me to some pub. I don’t drink there but I just cant deny myself a good time on such an auspicious occasion. Plus, if I don’t do that, what else do I do??? I have tried a lot of alternatives but most of them require me to don the adventurous hat or move in groups of not like minded people which I am just not capable of. What does it mean?? Very simple…do what u do best…walk into a nearby pub even if your accompanying drink there is a glass of fresh lime or a mug of beer at max. Neverthless, kaam to Friday afternoons ko nahin hota…..no way…I still remember, how earlier i used to hate it when inadvertently it happened that me and Aditya are sitting in a discussion with Pankaj on friday nights and as usual and to our pain it got late....and both of us looking at each other with shinnign eyes.... Friday afternoons are not for working...they are for planning for the night...they are for anticipation...they are for co-ordinating with ur friends outside the city about the flight they will take to bby and which place is suitable for them....its for all these....or if not these, for doing tp like yahoo messenger, orkut, or blogging...(see the time and day!!!!) P.S:

The power of Danda

Earlier, I always believed in the power of Danda..Those were the good old days of auditing when the client would give some information only after we escalated things to his boss..and we were convinced that danda works....But somewhere down the line with so much of talk about customer service and all these books of Kotler etc reading stuff like customer service>delight> orgasm (we loved this term!!!!), my belief in the power of danda was somehow lost...However, my recent experience with Citibank made me belief yet again that when everything fails Danda is the thing that works best.... I got my account with them somewhere around May end and mind you it was a salary account, so things are supposed to be pretty fast...Nevertheless I got my account opened but the pin numbers never came...I called up the help-line and they asked me to complete some formalities which I did but even then there was no pin...So there i was having money in my bank but still indulging in the age-old practice of borrowing money for my daily expenses. Frustrated I got hold of the RM and called her up, and boy! the way she comes across...U cldnt have a more I care a damn attitude.. Then something in me reminded me of the old days when swinging the danda worked when everything failed and I did exactly that...sent a mail to the head of the division with a cc to her...and my God!!! the way she changed...right from calling up to replying promptly to ensuring that everything gets done ....she was picture perfect..... She even went to extent of getting his office peon to deliver it to me in just a couple of days time....something which wasnt getting done for three months..Long live Danda!!!!

What if...

What a weird movie...yeah..I am talking of the movie, "Yun hota to kya hota", whose english translation is the name of this piece. True, Ayesha Takia was there (to whom since God has endowed with more than enough and hence we guys just cant have enough of her :), Konkana Sharma, Dina Pathak, Paresh Rawal, Subhashini Mulay, Irfan Khan....such great actors were there but still the movie was just weird...But one thing which I really liked is the title of the movie...which asks the basic question...What if?? What if this had happened ..that happened..or even more pertinent..what if this had not happened...or that had not happened...What if I had scored two marks more there...what if I had answered that qeustion in the interview like that...what if i had not sneaked out of the hostel to have the first puff....what if i had not acted like I at times did ....what if i was more sensible and prudent....what if life would have been different...in a different context with a different set of players in it... Every now and then we make choices.. we choose between alternatives...and take one road instead of other and they lead us somewhere....at times we r better off and at times we r worse...and when the outcome is the later we just stand there and inadvertently think...What if???...Ofcourse thats a different story that thinking doesn't help:)

The blasts and after that....

Bombs rocked Mumbai on tuesday..as per the reports 200 people are dead and close to 700 are injured. Applying simple mathematics, it boils down to 112 people, either dead or injured per blast or per train compartment. Now, knowing bby trains that does seem to be understatement, but thats besides the point. Fact remains that the blasts were a very unfortunate incident. However what interests me are the couple of incidents associated with it:

• We the people: For all the people in Bby, lemme ask u a qst: How was wednesday morning for u? I mean the day after the blasts. Everything was normal...so damn normal..barring more police on the roads. We went to office and after the initial 30 mins of discussions on the previous day's discussion, it was business as usual for us. We went for dinner n even there is was nothing abnormal. The city simply didnt curb its speed or stop. People say that's the spirit of the city, it doesnt stop. But aint that also an manifestation of our indifference...of our "i dont care what happens arnd me"...Its kind of disturbing but then thats fact. Deep within we simply dont bother whats happening. Life goes on....
• Wrong startegy: (sorry...but the consulting bug is getting the better of me) There is a lot of talk going arnd about which terrorist organization did it and all that stuff but one question (which stems from the earlier point) is that whats the point of targeting Bby. I think that the end objective of any such attack is not to kill people but bring about destability. Killing is only a means to the end and not the end itself and thats where any attack on Bby fails. It jsut doesnt trigger anything. The city returns to normalcy is just no time. I am sure that had such attacks happened in any other city, the situation would be much different. For eg: bandhs and protest rallies, if it were Cal???
• The Media: There's something terribly wrong with the media in India. Let me ask a basic qeustion, "why make it so gory?" I remember seeing the coverage of 9/11 and despite the scale of destruction, there wasnt one corpse shown and here are our couterparts, focusing and refocusing on corpses, blown away/destroyed body parts, faces dripping in blood and what not. I mean whats the point. Does it serve any purpose? It doesnt even increase the eyeballs hits.cummon we are normal people and the last thing we want to see is some gory pictures.
• The good samaritans: I came to know of the HSBC incident where a trader died in the blasts. But it was very heartening to find out the way HSBC came forward to help and Ms. Kidwai offering multifold superannuation and a job offer to the child of the employee. Great u say...not every place is bad...Its really heartening to find out that not all companies view their employees as a pair of hands and some grey matter who should take their pay slip and fuck off; some places are good....

Why have a kid...as per TV

This idiot box has turned all the more idiot of late...right from showing interviews of movie stars who describe their and their friends' character in a movie as.."Hum log 4 jaan hai...aur basically sab ekdam harami hai" to all those headlines in news channel about how Mika kissed Rakhi Sawant and why there wasnt any element of male chivalry and opinion polls on what could have been done better..u can expect the most bizzare of things to come on the TV...so far chalta hai but what do u do when u suddenly stop your surfing at a channel showing a panel discussion of doctors on the issue of marriage and children. Before I proceed further, let me get it very clear that I have immense regard for doctors. True, they mint money like crazy but then u cant escape the fact that nothing like a good doctor at the time of pain. Good from the professional as well as personal point of view. (Personal because u trust them and u wldnt want to be taken for a ride.) Now coming to my original point of the panel discussion. Imagine what as per the discussion was the biggest reason for having a kid. "Kids give couples a reason to talk for 25 years after the initial euphoria over marriage has subsided and hence save marriages" Now as a corrolary this means that: 1. "Couples without kids dont have anything to talk and since they dont have anything to talk about, the marriage collapses over time". 2. "Couples with kids talk about children all the time which saves the marriage from collapsing" Gentleman! what about childless couples. Do all of them break up. And also why do u need a child to create a topic to discuss? As it is, if a couple cant find any topic to talk, which in effect means that there aint any common topic or they are not comfy sharing it with the partner, it will as it is break up-child or no child. A child only furthers the intersection set between a couple's interests; it doesnt create it. Further, children are a natural milestone in the journey of life. U have children becuase thats the thing to do and not because their marriage is in jeopardy. Remember all those old Hindi movies in which the prospective grandpa said," Bete, wansh chalana hai, mujhe marne se pehle apne pote ka chehra dikha de" Ever found any married person saying "Hey, I am fearing that my marriage will collapse. Let me have a kid. He will come as a knight in shining armour to save my marriage". Common, give the kid a break. He is yet to be conceived and you are bringing him/her in conjugal issues.

Sensitivities....

Recently when i was struck in the oh-so-typical traffic, something caught my eye. It was the poster of a movie, called Mobile Phone or something like that, showing a female exhibiting her cleavage and a tagline which stated,"based on the true story of the delhi mms case" Nothing new in that...movies and posters hide just the bare minimum but what stayed with me was the fact that there are enough takers for viewing a masala movie which in real life was a tragedy for someone. The fault of the female involved was not that she did what she did but that she was caught doing what she was doing ( Lets accept it, promiscuity does exist in the society; no comments on the extent of it though...) and here we are, spending money to watch a spiced up version of what was a tragic moment for a female, a family... Coming back to my original point of being sensitive. I think this is a classic case of one man's pain being the cause of pleasure for another, even though he doesnt necessarily gain anything out of it. Life is full of tragedies...for some a delta less and for some a delta more and for some, who are outside the typical 99.67% of normal curve, a lot more...and there are enuf of people around...or lets say there are enuf of us arnd, who wouldnt think twice before having a laugh at someone's expense....the problem is that we do not do it deliberately but that we simply dont consider how some of our actions affect others...look around or even lets look at ourselves...how many times have we done just that...I have seen people or rather supposed best friends ignoring calls at the most dire of situations, people laughing silently at someone's funeral, people partying after ditching their luved ones...it all exists...and people do it...The examples above might be a bit of extremity but the people involved in these have been the most loved of people around...and if we love people who do such things...well, it speaks a lot about us as well...what say!!!!

In Fond Rememberance...

Born: 1994 Died: 2006 "Never wanted to separate, but it was destined otherwise....Goodbye, dear companion" If u r guessing, whats that...relax..thats nothing but the obituary of my association (of close to 12 years) with alcohol in my capacity as an avid admirer of the human made elixir... Now that I have actually ended my association and it rests in peace let me take a few moments out to list down some of my fav watering hole across cities.. Calcutta: 1. Someplace Else, Park Hotel..(after it stopped being a pure disc)...Good music, good food, good ambiance, great value for money..The only problem is if u wait at the hotel entrance for your friends to come...(for those who are aware of the place, will know what i am talking about) 2. Olypub, Park Street...I still remember, when in college and couldnt afford more than a visit a month to the above, the only place to head was Olypub. The scene was so bad that very often we used to go alone, rest assured that koi na koi to Xaviers ka mil hi jayega... Delhi/Gurgaon: 1. The Road-Side Thekas...Those who consider themselves too pseud to be drinking on the Road side thekas in Delhi/Gurgaon have no clue what they r missing in life....I mean its some experience...an alco shop...behind/infront/besides it a snacks shop and occassionally cops standing near by (..and drinking as well)...all this is just so unique to that place..And all these at a total damage to the pocket being not even in three digits... 2. DJinns...Somehow I have a liking for its ample space ...the live band...absence of the Yo-mama crowd (which is so typical of that side of the country)...and most importantly the fact that whenever I went there...somehow or the other I never had to pay... Bangalore... (never lived there as such but visited it for a month or so, quite a number of times...so..sorry upfront for my little knowledge)... 1. Pekos: By all standards, one great place to visit..Its so heartening to see a pub in its purist form, so to say....I would call it a "No Frills Pub"...go there...carry cash (till the last time i went there they didnt accept cards)....have a passion for good food and music...and u'l luv it...add to that the looks of a ghetto and u will realise why Floyd or Doors sounds even better there...and not to miss the beer...there is something about it there....u just dont wanna say no to another gulp.. 2. Purple Haze: Decent place...thats it.... Bombay... 1. Cafe Mondegar...A visit to that place and u know that life does exist in Bombay...What a lively place...Great ambience....good food....good music..good crowd...and smiling (generally) waiters...There is something about the place which has to be experienced....Another feeeling u get there is people dont come to guzzle there...they come to chill out and have fun...Maybe its got to do with the fact that they serve only beer and wine... 2. Totos..How i am glad that they have stopped the music there ...else this obituary wouldnt have ever been written. Probably the best place in Bby in terms of music and value for money...and plus their chicken cheese omlette and pork salad...yum...Havent seen any other place playing jsut the songs u wld have played had you being playing them urself...Awesome..The only flip side is that it closes earlier than the other Bandra pubs...

∆ Emotional Utility….

Date: 31st May, 2006 Time: 8:21 pm Location: My apartment, Santa Cruz, Bby State: Just dried myself after getting totally drenched in the rain Mood: Something between happy and thoughtful Music: Pink Floyd (who else??) So, that’s the scene. Here I am, sitting in the cozy surroundings of the hall in my apartment with dim lights and enjoying Pink Floyd playing Coming Back to Life, along with the sound of heavy rains pouring outside, n ya urs truly has just finished his cup of tea and some nicotine I am really enjoying the rain pouring outside; after all it eases the pangs of summer heat. I am enjoying this act of nature…but think of it, just an hour ago I was standing outside my office along with my colleague Devendra, both of us totally drenched and waiting for some cab/auto etc to take us to our apartments and at that very moment, rains were supposed to be the worst thing that could have happened…just an hour ago, this very rain was so disgusting and within an hour it has become a thing to be enjoyed and appreciated. This suddenly makes me ask myself, “Is Rain intrinsically bad or it depends on the circumstances” or taking this logic a bit further,” Does our liking or disliking or our experience of joy or pain stand alone or relative to the larger circumstances in which they occur?” (Which explains the element of thoughtfulness in my mood) Now that I am in a complete rewind mode, drawing from my life’s experiences (which I must say has been extremely eventful, filled with some smiles (most of them on account of academic/professional success, TOUCHWOOD) and more than enough sadness (most, rather all of them on account of my fucked up personal life)…), I think our experiences of joy or pain are by and large relative to our overall state of being. True their stand alone magnitude does matter but as happens in Portfolio Theory, it is relatively insignificant enough to be ignored. For nerds seeking scientific rationale in it, let’s seek inspiration from fundamental micro-economics principles. Happiness is in some sense akin to utility so let us term it emotional utility. With that logic, sadness becomes negative emotional utility. Our state of mind is nothing but a factor of the circumstances we are in. Hence when we are happy, our total emotional utility is very large. Further if this happiness has accrued over a short period of time, which is due to occurrences of many sexy events in quick succession, the time equivalent total emotional utility or the average emotional utility is very high. Thereafter a stage comes, when any additional sexy event doesn’t add too much to our happiness which is simply due to the fundamental principle of diminishing marginal utility, which applies here as well…diminishing marginal emotional utility until a stage where it doesn’t add any value at all…for example..(I am sorry but I am taking an example of diminishing negative emotional utility…which in simple terms is nothing but too much of getting screwed in life)…”Ever heard of a prostitute complaining of being fucked”. Why is this so?....Think of it…simply because her total negative emotional utility has reached a stage where a delta doesn’t make any difference... and compare it to getting fucked as a stand alone instance…a simple case of plateauing of the total negative emotional utility curve vis-à-vis a position across the steep gradient part. Now u agree why I place such importance to circumstances being a major driver of the effect any instance has on us….

The impact of product upgrade on replacement demand

Ever wondered why we want to change our mobile phones every now and then (okies...every 2 years or so..now and then is more for Yo Man kind of ppl)...but are content seeing the same damn fan rotating above over our sweating bodies year after year or rather decades after decades. If u think its more to do with a lifestyle product vs a utility product, lets take another example...why do most of us have changed our old A/C's with new upgraded/energy saving ones in the last year or so...where does the lifestyle thing come into play...or even better why have so many of ours mom insisted on changing our old refrigerators with newer ones in the last couple of years or so...but with the fans they dont do anything....akhir kyon...why this love with the hanging piece of machinery....after all all of them are high value (for a average Indian Middle Class family), high involvement household related consumer electronics items...?? This question struck me of late when I noticed that some items just dont have a replacement demand...and this thing gains all the more importance when we look at some of the penetration data in the Indian households and find more and more houses having access to many erstwhile so called luxury/comfort items....a high penetration simply means low potential for growing the market which in turn means that for growing the market what is needed is to create replacement market.... This observation made to sit back and realise why does Television market grow but radio doesnt, why does A/c market grow but Fans doesnt, why does ligting bulb market grow but tube light doesnt..the answer which I could think of (though as quite often, I might be totally wrong), is that some product categories have created higher versions or product upgrade making the consumers believe that while they might be having something, its a piece of shit compared to what is available now...they have created a replacement market and has made the consumer upgrade itself despite the fact that the consumer was till the realisation struck him, was pretty happy with this piece of gadget.... Lets take the example of a Television....a simple colour tv, then a 30-40 channel one, then a flat screen, then with better sound etc etc....after every couple of years u feel that u need a new one...not because the existing one is bad but that because the ones currently in the market are much better...On the other hand, lets look at fans, etc....a fan ages ago was the same fan available now...why should any consumer shift..whats the benefit... Skeptics can say that a fan suffices the need of cooling ur body but the same holds true for A/c's too...why does a replacement market exist there..simply cause the marketers of the latter have consisitently come out with better versions of the A/c tempting people to upgrade. Hence, while we might not have the data to prove, but examples do exist in real life to show that despite a product having a high technical life, product upgrade by the marketeers definitely helps in getting consumers to go for the better variants thus creating a replacement demand which in turn boosts sale....

Awesome females....

Shake ur Bon Bon- Shakira: The way she shakes it...God!!!...Does she at all have bones out there... on her butt n hips...Its awesome, the way she does it..I have seen so many dancers shake their hips but the way Shakira does it ...its simply out of the world....n the best part is its so sensual and sexy....not vulgar at all...Anyday, u wuld be more comfy watching her than watching one of the failed attempts at sensuality by an Indian remix..Shakira is just too much..... Those Lips and Pout- Angelina Jolie: Angelina Jolie...once one of my friends was watching her in one of the clips n remarked ..."God!!! She is visual viagra" n I think that was as close as u can get to a befitting descreption of the lady who has send millions of libidos soaring across the world (I dont believe in life beyong Planet Earth)..Her lips n those pout r like just beyond descrption n the attitude with which she carries them...Awesome...simply mind blowing..... Ms Perfect- PR: I wont go into the name of who the lady is... Its just that its been my great fortune to have known her, albiet unfortunately for a very short period of time and trust me she was as close to perfection as anyone can get...No flashy stuff .....nothing in particular but how often do u come across someone who seems equally at ease in a disc and at the same time equally comfortable putting her duppata over her head while meeting someone elder...I can go on n on but theres no need...This lady was just too good...just apt to be called Ms. Perfect... Actually there are lots more females about which i wanna write but then since i have named the piece Awesome females...dont wanna include aweful females in it...

The choices we get....

Good Vs Bad…if its like that, no issues but what do u do when u have to decide between Bad Vs Very Bad or Bad Vs Worse….either case will involve pain, either case will involve heart-ache, either case will cause tears but then a choice has to be made. U want to escape, u want to run away from reality but then it haunts u, escapism hurts, it makes u scared, it makes u feel guilty and then u stand up, muster enough courage and face it. U pray for strength, u pray for the power to carry it through but then u wanna melt, u melt when u see the repercussions. And the folly of life is that the repercussions are not restricted to you alone….the ripples are felt across people…n the worst part is that when u cant explain the other person why you are doing what you are doing..u just sit back with a deep sense of void and nothingness…Its that phase when u r too numb to feel any pain, any sorrow, any tears…anything….u are just too numb for anything… The worst part is that very often we reconcile with our own situations in life…how good or bad it be but there is nothing we can do to ameliorate the feelings others have for us. At times, we wish that there was no one who would be affected by us but at the end of the day the fact remains that its these very people: for whom we care and more importantly who care for us that make life worth living…Imagine what would it be, if life were a mere series of cold blooded contracts…contract no so n so governing your birth …blah blah….it would be worse than your worst nightmares….

Life or something like it....

Long back when in school, i had read these lines from some poem... "...A pint of joy to a peck of trouble... And never a joy but the pains come double... ...... And that is life" (aint sure if the lines are accurate) These are beutiful lines...might not be very encouraging but very true..Life doesnt remain calm for long...u think things are smooth but then some fuck-up happens...U think u got everything but suddenly something happens and you start asking for something more and then suddenly it gains importance over everything else and no sooner ur desire transforms into a craving, u see it gone...simply vanish...Period...U sit back and think, why did u want it in the first place...but then u just think...n thinking aint an exercise in pain amelioration.... The worst part in life is there is nothing like a Cntrl Z...Once u have done it...once u have lost it...u have lost it...u cant go back in time and undo/do some of the things u would have liked to..U really dont have the option of finding out what all things would matter to you and then start working towards it from right now...its so damn sporadic man...n then add to that the stupid things we do...n we know why there is so often the feeling of "damn...i am fucked"... If life wasnt a bitch enough, add to that things like facades, diplomacy..etc etc that screws up our life all the more. There are so many things we want to do...so many things we want to say but then we cant do it...cause its not correct....cause its not the right thing to do..cause its not done....God!!! Missing is a part of life...once in a typical consulting types discussion, I had generally remarked that happiness is nothing but a point of equilibrium between expectations and reality...Today, when i look back at it...i realise that despite the fact that I had said it very casually, it is so true...I mean how peaceful life would be, if we didnt want any thing...no love....no expectations....no hope nothing....I mean it would be so chillled...but then it aint so....U want some people...and then as always happens with life...these are not jsut any people...these are some specific people...some names...some special ones u want n they are jsut not replacable...they come...they touch us...n they go...n u sit there...gaze out towards nothingness and wish..how things would be different ... Hey....what all shit i have written on a saturday afternoon....Bizzare!!!!

Leaving the Desert Land..

13th April, 2005 8:00 PM (Saudi Time): Sitting in the Departure Lounge Right now I m sitting in the Jeddah Duty Free, waiting for the departure of the flight which will take me to India…and more than that, take me away from Saudi. Let me tell u, till the time the exit stamp was put on my passport, I was literally shitting in my pants…no particular reason but there is some unknown fear at the back of your mind which engulfs you while you are in this country. There is no one reason which can be called the determining factor, but there is something, which makes u very very scared and post my last incident here, trust me, standing in the queue for the immigration exit wasn’t the most comfortable of feelings. Just before seating myself in a corner seat, I was seating somewhere in the middle of the café in the departure lounge and what a sight it was…four hot females…(hot females…or even females…my eyes are starved!!.)….think Lebanese….tanned skin…and their looks …ah!!! As Bryan Adams would have put it …“ with those undress me eyes” in their body hugging tops and wraps, cigarettes on their lips. U smell nicotine but u also smell something else …maybe freedom…ah..not yet…still an hour to board the flight…maybe anticipation of freedom..maybe anticipation of seeing ur family soon…of meeting your friends.. of having beer going down your throat …the anticipation of that burb…there’s so much to anticipate… But that has to wait….wait for another hour or so…wait for the departure call…wait for me to get in the flight…wait for it to take off…wait to cross the Saudi airspace and finally wait for the flight to land at Delhi and me walk out of the airport, rove my eyes to see Jiju….wave at him and if sis aint there, light a cigarette… Just a night more dude….its coming …TOUCHWOOD…there is no goof up yet again…Till that time let me turn my eyes to see those babies again.. Damn!!! they are gone.. 14th April, 2005 02:05 AM (Indian Time): In the Flight So here I am on Flight No AI 890 to Delhi, still in saudi space but on my way home…on my way to India..on my way to my own country…on my way to friends…to family…to the joi-de-vivre and not just survival….BTW thanks to Air India for upgrading me to Business Class..making it comfortable enough for me to sit and write.. The steward just told me that it’s a cool 45 minutes before we cross the Saudi airspace..hence me thought, lets write something....The last two months that I have stayed in Jeddah have made me think on a lot of issues..Life here was tough…despite the material comforts being much better…True, cars touched 100 kmph regularly, true, the level of food hygiene was very high, true the law and order situation was much better than India, true the traffic jams were much fewer….everything true but even then the heart yearned to go back home…cause the biggest of them all FREEDOM wasn’t there…There was always this feeling at the back of your mind that you are an alien here, this is not your place, you do not belong here, anything might happen…if not anything else, the very fact that you needed to carry your passport every time indicated that you are just a number, you don’t have any identity without it…it all boils down to belonging and freedom and think about it, how casually we take freedom back home. Anyway, life in Saudi was more than just missing freedom; it was also missing the small things in life. To start off with, was the complete lack of friends and family. True, my colleagues were good (sorry Rajit, for fighting so much with you), but fact remains that I never had the luxury of calling anyone from my vast group of friends…Amit, Pattu, Saurabh, Kanods, Pasha, GJ, Jo, Punda, Pats, Aditya, etc etc and saying, “Oye kya kar raha hai…chal milte hain” I missed it like hell, more than missing going out, I bloody missed the option of going out…where do u go here..Malls, Malls n more Malls….n there also you keep your senses bloody awake, least u misbehave or do something which is not what is expected of u in this country… Then there were weekends…probably the most moron weekends I have had, have been in the last 2 months…Shit man…weekend doesn’t mean spending hours in front of the TV watching Mr. Himesh Reshamiya or some semi-nude female gyrating to some obscene remix… Another thing I really missed was obviously my weekend beer…As Nanga Baba told me in the car one day…Its not the drink, it not having the option of having a drink which hurts more…How true… I can go on and on…how things were…how we have just survived but then it’s all an experience…if not anything else, I can tell anyone… Look, I have spend two months in Saudi Arabia…. I can manage anywhere!!!! Hey, the steward is asking for drinks..and guess what I am having…Single Malt..just the perfect drink to raise a toast to Life..!!!!

Mere ghar ke neeche kuan kyon nahin hai???

I aint a car fanatic and if i pit myself against two of my collegues with me here in Jeddah, Pranav and Rajit, I am not even peanuts...but then around two months with them have made me knowledgeble enough to atleast not confuse between a sedan and a SUV and also know some names u shld salivate looking at. But what do u do when u see a dozen such sleek machines in a span of 15 minutes on the road at a time when u r discussing wether u shld buy an Alto or continue travelling in auto for some more time?? Last nite, we were sitting in Starbucks...so far so good...we get down the cabbie and guess whats the car standing next..A yellow Ford Mustang...thik hai dikh gaya..big deal...everyday u see some or the other swanky car here... The real drama started when we just entered the cafe...n look, which car is coming...Audi TT, followed by Porsche, then BMW 7 series, then a Lexus SUV (yeh to aise hi gajar muli jaise dikhti hai but still), Merc SL500, Merc CLK, Porsche again, Nissan convertible, BMW convertible, another Porsche, then Cadillac, Nissan Infinity and as a perfect climax, the last car in the virtual eye feast was a Hummer...there must have been around 12-13 of all these cars combined...bloody dont even remember the names now...and all this in a span of 15 mins...on the road...God!!!! And imagine our situation...4 guys..all IIM grads... sitting in a cafe and salivating...too much..all thinking...(if i put it in blunt hindi)..."kya ukhar liya itna padh ke..itna fite mar ke"....On an optimist note, if the Indian Govt decides to literally zero the duties we just might afford one of the lower priced car among these maybe a Mustang in 15-20 years time but sadly enough on a more realistic note we now that this wont happen.... and then the realization struck us and made us look upward to God and ask... Humare ghar ke neeche (oil ka) kuan kyon nahin hai...?????

Remembering the Hill-Top and moving on….

When you are saddled with a deep sense of nothingness in this Desert country and log on to yahoo to see many juniors all with flag messages talking of happiness and anticipation of the convocation and to top it up you talk to Uddu…there is only one way ur mind can go…back to the Campus..back to Hill top where I have spend two of the most memorable years of my life…Its almost a year hence…we have made the transition from participants to alumni but even to this day you feel so close to it..to the hill..to the buildings..to the incidents…to the people …to the whole damn thing..its so special…even today After passing out of Indore, I have visited the campus just once…and it was such a great feeling..that same mess…paratha..omlette…binge drinking..plastic glasses..hangover…..evening stroll…mashaal…midway…familiar smiling faces…the dogs in front of the mess..everything remains the same. I wasn’t accompanied by any of my friends or batch-mates since I had gone for recruitment but not for a moment did I feel myself alone or without company. That place has given me memories…be it the recurring Zehale-masti + whiskey in front of Babbar’s room in first term or non stop cards at my room in the 2nd year…or Kanod’s/Tarun’s yahoo messages everyday at 8.30 pm “yaar khana sad hai..bahar chale” or all those “machau” things or the inadvertent surrender to slumber in Prof Pani’s classes…the list is really long…all these otherwise petty things come back so strongly to you…and not to forget un-imitable characters- MP Singh, Singla, Pammi Paaji, Mama, Jat, u simply cannot forget them…I mean how many times would u come across people like these… Next month, Singla is getting married…n to tell u, I am really looking forward to being a part of it...not so much for the marriage thing but the fact that junta will be there and it will be unbridled fun…it happened in Shalabh’s wedding…and its going to be the same here again… Steadily as expected most of us are getting into our own personal lives and moving on …things like mails announcing marriage are replacing senseless bakar mails but then that’s the way things are destined to be. All of us will move on in life, think more about jobs, replace some of our pubbing with friends with pubbing with colleagues and new friends..meet fewer times..skip some get together, alumni meets..all these are destined to happen..but then that aint a manifestation of loosening of bond..the feeling of oneness and nostalgia towards the campus and everything attached to it will remain..I bet 10-15 years down the line..when we as usual would be flipping channels and stumble across anything showing a convocation or even more generic a college fun scene..there will be one place our mind will fleet to and that’s the hilltop!!!!

When the music is over……

I am quite a music buff; no not the kind who is a devout fan of one or more of the bands and knows even details like when all he sneezed and when was the last time, he or she wore diapers. I am more of the kind who though has preferences, enjoys anything melodious which comes along, irrespective of the genre or the language. However, of late, whenever I have switched on the television and stopped my channel surfing at one or other of the music channels, here’s what I get to see. Talk of Pareto principle manifesting itself… The Tormentor A constipated look, dry painful eyes, a desperate attempt to genuinely look and sound tormented, surrounded by hot chicks strutting their stuff…very often accompanied by Imran Hashmi..Yes boys…I am talking of the one and only Himesh Reshamiya.. If he were a FMCG commodity, the marketer would have loved his distribution reach and penetration across channels. Gosh!!! Turn on any music or movie channel and inadvertently after a song or two, Bingo!! Here comes Mr. Reshamiya..tera suroor..mere huzoor…n god knows what not…he is just there..everywhere..everytime Worst part is that its not the supply side alone that’s tormenting..even from the demand side of it, its equally bad…My waking up time here in Jeddah coincides with the request show Video on Call on B4U (and since that’s the only Indian Channel that comes here, I have to watch it), and you find so many apparently discerning consumers of Indian music requesting stuff like..Shamita can u pls play me this song..that song. And there he is..again and again….No wonder so many times, I prefer to have only my ears being pleased by my limited music collection in the laptop rather than my ears, eyes and mind tormented keeping the TV switched on.. Yo Ingredients: A rapper, a Punjabi (preferably from UK), a DJ (preferably with his hair beaded), neon lights, some words thrown in and men/women doing YO after every half a minute… Result: A Pop song… Trust me guys, it aint an exaggeration. Think of it. Most of the pop stuff u watch on TV aint too different from what is written here…nothing wrong in it…but then how much is the basic problem..If u don’t see the tormentor, u will these bunch. And talk of their band names…God!! I fail to understand if it’s a result of their genuine desire to sound cross cultural or is it a result of a fight between their group members and as a result their inability to agree to a name and hence taking bits n pieces from every faction and just putting it together. BTW even their music aint too different… Screw it bad This is the last and probably the worst of the lot…take a lewd looking girl, undress her as much as u can…throw a bit of more of her likes as side dancers with slightly more clothes...take a topless man…take a good old song, throw in some jarring music..hire a pub for the location and make a remix..Purfect…ah..did I tell good old song..actually let me correct myself a bit..of late, even the new numbers have versions…First of all u have a song…then u will have a remix..then u will have a different band from a different country doing a new remix of that…and some more....so as a result in a span of a month..you would have bore with around 3-4 versions of the song..talk of speed creativity... The worst thing about this category, apart from the overdose of absolutely unaesthetic skin show is the fact that they actually screw up some numbers…Beat this!!! I have even heard a Trance version of Mozart… At this point, I don’t know why but I am reminded of the famous Morrison song…When the music is over……

5......5.......5.....

There are words that remind you of things..people, places, incidents…No rocket science in mapping or stuff like that, but its just that cause of one reason or the other, certain words come with very strong association, like the one we have seen over here…Words we couldn’t even think, back home would mean something, inadvertently result in changing our countenance when uttered in this desert land… 5…. 5… 5… Sitting in a secluded room (even with 2 A/c’s) with asbestos sheet roofing and a workshop below is very painful. On that imagine suddenly, in the middle of work, the speaker phone blasts…5….5….5….Line no…XYZ…..5…5….5…..and we were like what the hell is that….never mind, could be anything…However, our curiosity grew when it started recurring very often…the same words…5…5….5…We couldn’t help it once and asked the admin guy here….n imagine what it came out to be….the guy actually shouts…Fire…..Fire….Fire….God damn it…how come there is a fire every now and then…and the best part was some days back, when he actually screamed..Fire…..Fire….Fire….I DON’T KNOW WHERE IS FIRE…. Khallas… Every thing in this desert land goes khallas…to people..to money…to characters…to incidents…to opportunites…to fear….just like the way back home, where everything can be prefixed by the word Sexy…here the same applies to Khallas…any context….any adjective…everything goes Khallas… Right from the steward saying…the chicken is khallas (which could mean either the bird flu…or the use of genetically modified chicken by KFC or the fact that chicken is sold out….) or the CEO saying…the project is khallas..(which could mean anything depending on his mood) or the driver saying…the sun is khallas…(which could mean that either evening has descended or that summers have ended)….so that’s Khallas for you ….meaning anything and everything…… Head Bath.. I won’t delve deep into it but for me its quite a learning enhancement to know that Head bath actually refers to rinsing your hair..!!!! Yo Babies… This is not from Saudi Land…rather this has emerged as a reason of my being friends with 2 singhs…Pranav Singh and Kulbir Singh…the first Singh has to use Yo in every thing just like the second Singh has to use Babies..and here I am…starting to use Yo Babies..as an answer in affirmation to any question being asked and regarding some of my colleagues, being consultants by profession, they cant help but adopt best practices…the result….Its Yo Babies for lunch being over, to will you come for a stroll…to did you get the data… Thank God..I just managed to refrain myself from uttering Yo Babies when the client asked me …is the project going good???

Blockbuster dialogues in Saudi Land...

This place, Saudi Arabia, houses a lot of communities and one common thing that binds them together, is their ability to deliver blockbuster dialogues at the drop of a hat...u have the lebanese/egyptians etc orating the simplest of lines in the most elegant of manners, the south asians (indians/pakistanis) just not letting their MC, BC go away and the Fillipinos with their cocky sense of homour...its really interesting...Here without going into the names, I will just try to make an attempt to replicate them....obviously i cant bring the expressions and the juices but then my friend, use ur imagination..... (the context is given in italics) Egyptian/Lebanese... (when asked how organized or disciplined wholesalers are in this part of the world) "My boy....i have to count my fingers everytime after shaking hands with them".... (when asked about the ethical level of workers here) "Ask them the price of their mother" (when asked how much subordinates fear the bosses) " Whenever they make a mistake, u know whats the first thing they do....oil their groins...n when they come, they exhibit it to me...cause they know i will slap it hard..very hard...n if i have problems finding it, i will slap it even more" Hows that!!! Indians/Pakistanis In this section, i will just narrate one dialogue which was delivered by a very senior person, explaining why so many companies are having declining profitability and hence the need of consultants...please read it in proper Jat style " Yaar dekho, hum log yahan aaye the sale suit pahan ke...par hum hai bade hi dildar...ek ek kar ke humne apne sare kapde logon ko de diye aur b@#^@%^@ nange hote chale gaye..pahle coat gaya...phir shirt gayi ..phir pant...ab dekho ji..sirf yeh chadhi bach gayi hai...ab humne socha isse pehle ki humari maa c%#@ jaye aur hum total nange ho jaye...bahar waloon ko bula lo...to yeh aapka kaam hai...humari is fati hui chadhi pe..thoda kapda dal ki jayen..nahin to L%$# lag jayenage humare aur hum beech chaurahe pe total nage ho jayenge...." Talk of carrying soil in ur boots!!!! Fillipinos They dont give blockbuster dialogues like the previous two but they got this uncanny ability to talk of real bizzare things in a very very serious manner..here i wont get into the details but just let u know one of their topics of frequent discussions which will give u enuf idea about their cocky nature... ""Which is better....11 children with one wife....or 1 child with 11 wifes""

Sure shot ways to make your employees run away..

1. Bad Boss: Give a person a nasty boss and trust me, he wont stay for long. I have heard of so many friends of mine, opting for jobs with pay cuts, worse profiles, worse places but the hope of a good boss. I mean, the worst thing one can happen to a person after he slogs himself out is to be confronted by a boss who will first make him feel like a piece of shit, take away all credit or blame him for everything going wrong on Planet Earth and add to that bosses who still have attitudes like Mr. Ford, who view people as nothing more than resources...u know whats going to happen... Ya, one thing here..the bosses i am referring to here, could be ur immediate boss, his boss...anyone in the chain or worse still..the man in the corner office...and if he is bad...God save the place... 2. Bench: This is rather simple..hire a person...give him salary...give him designation...but dont give him work...or even better give him something which is called work but is in essence nothing less than what is known as IM (Intellectual Masturbation). What is really amazing is there are enuf organizations which think that putting people on bench is a way of making the employees happy as they feel that people like money but not working...if only better sense prevailed over them... 3. Piss him off: Unlike in the previous 2 rather defined ways, there is no exhaustive definitions of pissing off people. But among the best ones that i have seen are: mistrust, lack of respect, or simple bugging. Bugging is something very interesting...there are just so many small ways which an organization can do to bug people, most common being what is called in local lingo as "chindipanti". Mock him, question his every rupee spent, ask him before lunch how come he affords a pizza hut every day, make spying people as one of the peons and office boys' responsibility...simple...straightforward tools but very very effective... 4. Job Profile/Salary: Now this is interesting. When we are in campus, these are the two most important things we gun for. While these still remain extremely important, i personally feel they are filters people use when selecting a job, not so much when leaving a company. Sure, if the job profile or the salary is bad, people will quit..I mean, you can neither be casual about your career nor be content taking peanuts but since a lot of fundas regarding job profile n all become clear once you are in the market and also since companies in similar strata by and large keep the salaries aligned money aint really too much of a factor, unless lets say the difference is huge...

Airport Drama....

That was one of those very few nights when i didnt mind being hit by a bout of insomnia. Lying in the bed...tossing here and there, i am sure even my countenance bore a big grin knowing that i'l be flying back to India the following afternoon and needless to say, absolutely unaware of the drama which was waiting to be unfolded at the airport.. I arrived at the Jeddah airport, completed all my formalities and was waiting at the immigration counter for the final exit stamp on my visa when lightening struck...the immigration guy took my passport..keyed in something in the comp and blip blip the lights turned red...he looked at me...rather scanned me with a look which i must say wasnt the most comforting, n then came the words....there is some problem..go to the police counter....pointing towards a series of glass chambers. I was like...damn..what could be the matter. Neways, i mustered enuf courage to walk in the pointed direction, remembering all gods and goddesses that to my knowledge and as per stories recited to us in childhood rescued harmless and good people when in pain/danger... The scene in the police cell was no comforting either and the presence of a group of abaya clad women standing there surrounded by police apparently interrogating them for some fault only meant that my turmoil was to last longer. So I kept on waiting with increased heart beat and palpitation. At this point, I looked across towards the duty free counter only to find my colleague being warded off by the police..God what will happen to me!!!! Then came my turn..i walked inside..somehow managed to bring a smile on my face and handed over all my documents to the police. He looked at me, checked the documents, gave me a very dirty look and screamed. ..VISA EXPIRED….U HAVE OVERSTAYED I was like…HOLY SHIT.…I was about to utter the F word but sanity prevailed and ensured that I didn’t commit one more crime in this foreign soil…I looked at him with a blank face..something akin to the face of a hindi movie actor on knowing that his sister has been killed by the villain. The next few minutes passed in a dizzy..i was visualizing how the detention centre would be..how the lashes would be…how would I recuperate from the wounds…what food would be there in the police cell…what other torture ways would they apply…etc etc…. He called up a few senior police on phone, asked me something in arabic which I couldn’t make a word off and then said…200 Riyals..Give me the money…. Trust me, never have I felt better on being demanded money…something in me told that since he is asking for the money, jail wasn’t on the scene..I opened my wallet to give him the amount but was asked to purchase revenue stamps n give..God what was this! How on earth was I supposed to get revenue stamp here…Nevertheless, my belief that good people exist in all parts of the world came true when an African came forward to escort me to the bank to collect them. Being present in an airport without a passport and boarding pass wasn’t too comforting but the fact that I still had the ticket with me was some solace. But it wasn’t over yet. On my way, I was confronted by the airlines people who then seized my tickets as well..and I was given an ultimatum.finish the formalities on 15 minutes or your luggage gets deplaned…Now this was agony..this was totally jale pe namak..but there was little I could do about it…the fact that the Air India guy actually spoke in Hindi didn’t help at all..much to my discomfort. Anyways, courtesy the African, the bank notes thing got done and we actually managed to come back in the counter to collect the ticket and finish the formalities, which took another half an hour or so..it was painful, really painful but nothing compared to first part..Thank God!!! I aint going to the jail…In the end I actually gathered the courage to ask the officer that how come there is a problem since in English its written validity 1 month and its been only 3 weeks..to which he pointed at my something in Arabic which apparently meant to stay for only 2 weeks. Obviously I didn’t have the balls to ask him what’s the reason for this anomaly. By the end of the one hour drama I was like totally drained and virtually gone blank. Spending an hour with police that also in a country like Saudi for a crime as serious as overstay aint a matter of joke. However, all’s well that ends well. And did I tell you that when I had the first sip of beer in flight after a month of hiatus and also after this incident, it was like elixir. The air hostess brought the tray table near me and asked, “Sir what about you?” and trust me, I was about to say, “Yaar kuch bhi pila do..bas tum pila do” but the turn of events in the last 3-4 hours made me measure each word before speaking. So I asked for beer and I actually kept it infront of my eyes and stared at it for sometime…a look typical of hindi movies when the hero meets his beloved after a long time…runs towards her but stops just short..stares at her with stars in his eyes before embracing her…it was exactly the same… I had just the same stars in my eyes…

The Reins of Life

"The fault dear Brutus is not in our Stars but in ourselves....." Something like this was coined by Shakespeare in his Julius Ceaser. Was it ignorance, stupidity or a sheer inflated opinion of a person's ability to control himself and the events around him that made him say so??. I definitely dont mean to say a man should leave everything to lady luck and attribute/blame everything to her but assuming the opposite to be correct is equally wrong. The turn of events of late have made me sit back and think..why is my life writhing in shit and what can i do to ameliorate the situation. The answers did come back to me but none of them comforting...There is no conceivable logical reason why i m going thru what i am and also there is little i can do but wait and watch. So Mr. Shakespeare whats ur take on this??? I guess, there are phases in everyone's life when instances or rather a series of instances happen; that make him believe in something supreme, something more cosmic and divine that controls atleast a significant part of our lives. Desperate as it may appear, there is a little we can do in that, except maybe wait and watch and hope that things turn for the better. At this juncture i consider it important to consider the other side of the spectrum as well. Why dont we ever get so melancholy or thoughtful when something good happens or when the going is unexpectedly good. So selfish...aint we? But ya, the way things have been of late, i seriously feel that people are nothing more than one of the members of a harem of a Sheikh who when he feels treats her royally and when he feels does ..well... what he feel likes, irrespective of how painful/replusive it might be for her. She feels the joy, she feels the pain..but there is little of it that can be attributed to her action and even worse there is little that she can do about it. However, there is solace when i look at two basic facts of life...... 1. there are no foreign events...there are only foreign players: hence what i am going thru, many have gone thru as well. and since they have come out of it and where mortals like i am, i dont see a reason, why i cant come off it. 2. every night, good or bad, has a morning waiting for it...hence there will be light...the lenght of darkness may vary but light is inevitable... So dear soul, relax...soon the law of averages will catch up and the trough will be over....till then, well, wait and watch and dont bother about what Mr. Shakespeare said

Mumbai....Spanning the spectrum

Let me start with a caveat...I have no particular interest in Mumbai. Its just that i was studying it as part of one project and now it seems to be one of the most diverse and heterogenous thing on Planet Earth. I was simply amazed. Take for example...South Mumbai or Town as people would like to call it as. Out of the 3.3 million odd people residing here, barely 0.25 have decent housing facilities and mind you, the parameters of decent housing do not include things like Antique furniture, a jacuzzi or stuff like that. Decent housing just means-anything which is not slums and neither dilapidated. Imagine just 0.25 million which is just approx 55000 housholds. Damn it, u say..but hold on...i aint finished yet... Mumbai is strange.....take a look around...a more probing, inquisitive look and beyond a beautiful facade or two you will find stretches and stretches of slums. What...did you say you dont spot them....could be possible...oh yes! i forgot to tell you that there are also thousands of buildings which are in dilapidated states (housing close to 2 Mn people), build ages ago, whose owners have given up the right to ownership and possession and a significant portion of them are actually hazardous... Aint we talking of the same Mumbai, where riches abound...where irrespective of how high we go, there are always dozens and dozens of rungs above us with innumerable people thereon....Just imagine...Next...one thing to ask for is whats in store for the City in future. My personal opinion is that though the potential to grow is immense, the pace of development will be at snail speed; why??? let me explain.. Lets begin with the basic question...Why is the city in the state, in which it is?There are 2 very basic reasons: 1. The inability of the city to expand either westwards or southwards and also pretty limited growth eastwards. 2. Mill and Slum lands Since the first part is something about which practically little can be done, lets focus on the second one..Looking deeper at the second issue, I now enumerate the basic stakeholders in the mills and slum lands and understand why they aint really gung-ho abt the whole thing. 1. Residents of those mills/slums: They wont give in easily to moving out....Its very simple...moving out is certain...but as far as moving back in is concerned, when and where and whether you will relocated at all is always something in future and hence intrinsically uncertain. 2. Government: Given that the % of ppl in these places is very large, do you think that any government (esp when they are so populist of late), will ever tinker with them, let alone force them to move out and ensure at the same time proper rehabilitation package. 3. Builders: The obscene property prices in Mumbai is nothing but a demand supply mismatch. Why on earth will any builder ever bridge the gap significantly and that at a fast pace. Gradually yes...at long as it does make the prices south bound... So, thats my take on the whole issue. I am sure there are man people who will differ with me, but as they say, its just my opinion. Take it or leave it... Cheers (Views expressed are personal in nature)

Of Insanity and Geniuses

Lemme start with a very basic question: what unites Jim Morrison, Richard Branson, Socrates and Syd Barrett....they r all grt people yeah...but more than that they are all damn ecentric ones...eccentric to the level that if we try to emulate them, we might over and above been labeled nerds/weirdos might be shun off our social circles... So, didnt they face this porblem...this fear of falling on the other side of the thin boundary between insanity and geniuses....i guess they didnt...they were just what they were without fearing the repercussions of failing or thinking too much about what others have to say/think abt them...n thats what makes them great...the believe in themselves...n the absence of a stupid risk reward matrix in their lives.. We, people like you and me...maybe good but we are too constrained in our minds and actions by what society thinks of us..what society wants us to do and worse, what as per society are the parameters of success and accepted behaviour....n mind you society also includes people whom we love, who are close to us and whom we value...n i personally think this kills some latent competency/greatness in us. I personally believe that every person in this earth can do one thing better than anyone else...the trick only lies in unearthing that one thing...but then what if that one thing is not in the ambit of acceptibility...forget it and join the herd.... i have seen many kids being brilliant in one thing or the other...be it sports, theatres, music, etc etc...but many parents, put this activities in the realms of extra-curriculars and hence being thought of as intrinsically instrumental in digressing a child's thought from what he is supposed to do...STUDY....crazy man..how come every child on earth is supposed to excel in one single thing...study this brings me to my first point...insanity...there have been men...lots of them who have shunned this societal boundaries and have done great..true many have failed as well...but as a ratio, the fraction of thought insane but later genius in the universe of insane people is much more than the fraction of all geniueses in the large universe comprising all we apparently normal people.. So... u r disheartened....well, I am for sure!!!!

Yo Man..cool music!!!!

Its not as if I am an expert in music or human behaviour....as a matter of fact i dont think i am an expert at any thing but being a consultant by profession, i can take the liberty to voice my opinion I have organized a couple of parties, wether it be a full fledged party like the one i did in Iris-2004 or a more apparently suede focussed event like the Rock Nite at IIM Indore or the more recurring and less demanding parties at my room in the hostel and now at my apartment...and the behaviour of ppl is really hilarious and interesting...to say the least.. I have seen so many ppl who speak something like this.. Hey Dude, did u check out the way Morrison fell on the floor while performing Break on to the other side.....Damn!! it was so neat.....or stuff like... Yuck!!! How can u listen to Kajra re...its so lewd.... And u can check out.....Break on to the other side would be the only number from Doors they wld have listened and when they are alone, they are the first one to ogle at Aishwarya doing what she does to send mankind's libido soaring!!!! And its even stranger when ppl are with strangers, collegues, women or bosses...Courtesy their half backed knowledge or their pretence of expertise which steams from 10 mins of googling or one session with someone really knowledgeable, they will blurt out lines after lines..especially on issues like...lyrics of a particular song...how someone died or lived...the background in which a particular song was composed or even better..some different version of the song which they would have heard and assume they are the only one....God!!!! things ppl do to impress others.I know a particular guy who once told me.. Yaar its simple...if the other guy is knowledgable and if i dont sound like this, he will think...This guy got no taste...and if the guy is actually tasteless and if i speak a line or two about Music..he'll think...Wow, what a taste.........Talk of Justification... I really love Toto's in Bandra and sitting there, its so amazing there to see people start jumping (trust me...a look at them and u r convinced that we indeed are descendents of apes) the moment a new song starts and blurting typical lines like...Wow!!! i luv this song....Nice DJ ... and quoting one of the few remotely resembling songs they would have ever heard only to find out the song is indeed a different one...and then comes the defence...Damn!! How could i not recognise this....Shit...this is blashphemy...This alcohol na, its bad... Its really hillarious..... Anyway...i m going now to listen to one of my fav...Bappi Lahiri!!!..

Unforgettable moments...

Just felt like pinning down some of the most memorable moments in my life. I will come straight to the point without too much hue and cry. Here i am just including some moments... Moments that have made me feel damn good

They are not listed in any particular order...

Amit, Atul & Bhartiya in Lilavati Hospital...(no..he was not admitted..it was me)

Gopi (Seagram VP HR) doing what he did to get my refund.

Ankur's Dad throwing a party for me on clearing my CA exams and there when quizzed by one of his relatives about it...saying," Nahin bhaisaab...chintu ko to pass hue kafi din ho gaye, yeh to sandeep ki party hai"

Amit's Mom reaction on hearing my CA results and when i reach there, Uncle rushing to fetch lots of sweets and restaurant food, "aaj ghar ka khana thode hi na khta hai"

I screaming on Richa on phone and then she telling,"Good that u shouted so much...atleast now, u must be feeling better"

Gopi again...when i send him a mail stating that i have put his name as reference for HLL summers, replying.."will speak good words abt u..promise"

Moments that have made me belief in myself, professionally

Unfortunately, most..rather all of them are from Seagram...surprising na, that 13 months of your life has done so much good ...

Discussion with Raj at Hot Breads, one autumn aftenoon, where he disclosed the news of moving to HO and when i was jittery..being replied,"If i can put all my credibility at risk by sending you to a bloody demanding job, why dont u have the balls to just accept it." (for this profile, they were looking at someone much senior to me)

Mohit to Guilluame on a teleconference..."Guillaume...if i aint at office and you require any information..just ask for Sandeep"...and there were many seniors sitting there as well..(Guilluame was btw one of the very senior guys at the global finance team.)

Mohit again..." How the hell did u manage to fix that"...on being able to reconcile a Brand Statement by gazing at it for 2 mins.

Param at the South Asia Conference saying something which meant that people like me and one more guy (forgetting his name) shouldnt leave...they are real investments for the company.

So, thats abt it....