Remembering the Hill-Top and moving on….

When you are saddled with a deep sense of nothingness in this Desert country and log on to yahoo to see many juniors all with flag messages talking of happiness and anticipation of the convocation and to top it up you talk to Uddu…there is only one way ur mind can go…back to the Campus..back to Hill top where I have spend two of the most memorable years of my life…Its almost a year hence…we have made the transition from participants to alumni but even to this day you feel so close to it..to the hill..to the buildings..to the incidents…to the people …to the whole damn thing..its so special…even today After passing out of Indore, I have visited the campus just once…and it was such a great feeling..that same mess…paratha..omlette…binge drinking..plastic glasses..hangover…..evening stroll…mashaal…midway…familiar smiling faces…the dogs in front of the mess..everything remains the same. I wasn’t accompanied by any of my friends or batch-mates since I had gone for recruitment but not for a moment did I feel myself alone or without company. That place has given me memories…be it the recurring Zehale-masti + whiskey in front of Babbar’s room in first term or non stop cards at my room in the 2nd year…or Kanod’s/Tarun’s yahoo messages everyday at 8.30 pm “yaar khana sad hai..bahar chale” or all those “machau” things or the inadvertent surrender to slumber in Prof Pani’s classes…the list is really long…all these otherwise petty things come back so strongly to you…and not to forget un-imitable characters- MP Singh, Singla, Pammi Paaji, Mama, Jat, u simply cannot forget them…I mean how many times would u come across people like these… Next month, Singla is getting married…n to tell u, I am really looking forward to being a part of it...not so much for the marriage thing but the fact that junta will be there and it will be unbridled fun…it happened in Shalabh’s wedding…and its going to be the same here again… Steadily as expected most of us are getting into our own personal lives and moving on …things like mails announcing marriage are replacing senseless bakar mails but then that’s the way things are destined to be. All of us will move on in life, think more about jobs, replace some of our pubbing with friends with pubbing with colleagues and new friends..meet fewer times..skip some get together, alumni meets..all these are destined to happen..but then that aint a manifestation of loosening of bond..the feeling of oneness and nostalgia towards the campus and everything attached to it will remain..I bet 10-15 years down the line..when we as usual would be flipping channels and stumble across anything showing a convocation or even more generic a college fun scene..there will be one place our mind will fleet to and that’s the hilltop!!!!

When the music is over……

I am quite a music buff; no not the kind who is a devout fan of one or more of the bands and knows even details like when all he sneezed and when was the last time, he or she wore diapers. I am more of the kind who though has preferences, enjoys anything melodious which comes along, irrespective of the genre or the language. However, of late, whenever I have switched on the television and stopped my channel surfing at one or other of the music channels, here’s what I get to see. Talk of Pareto principle manifesting itself… The Tormentor A constipated look, dry painful eyes, a desperate attempt to genuinely look and sound tormented, surrounded by hot chicks strutting their stuff…very often accompanied by Imran Hashmi..Yes boys…I am talking of the one and only Himesh Reshamiya.. If he were a FMCG commodity, the marketer would have loved his distribution reach and penetration across channels. Gosh!!! Turn on any music or movie channel and inadvertently after a song or two, Bingo!! Here comes Mr. Reshamiya..tera suroor..mere huzoor…n god knows what not…he is just there..everywhere..everytime Worst part is that its not the supply side alone that’s tormenting..even from the demand side of it, its equally bad…My waking up time here in Jeddah coincides with the request show Video on Call on B4U (and since that’s the only Indian Channel that comes here, I have to watch it), and you find so many apparently discerning consumers of Indian music requesting stuff like..Shamita can u pls play me this song..that song. And there he is..again and again….No wonder so many times, I prefer to have only my ears being pleased by my limited music collection in the laptop rather than my ears, eyes and mind tormented keeping the TV switched on.. Yo Ingredients: A rapper, a Punjabi (preferably from UK), a DJ (preferably with his hair beaded), neon lights, some words thrown in and men/women doing YO after every half a minute… Result: A Pop song… Trust me guys, it aint an exaggeration. Think of it. Most of the pop stuff u watch on TV aint too different from what is written here…nothing wrong in it…but then how much is the basic problem..If u don’t see the tormentor, u will these bunch. And talk of their band names…God!! I fail to understand if it’s a result of their genuine desire to sound cross cultural or is it a result of a fight between their group members and as a result their inability to agree to a name and hence taking bits n pieces from every faction and just putting it together. BTW even their music aint too different… Screw it bad This is the last and probably the worst of the lot…take a lewd looking girl, undress her as much as u can…throw a bit of more of her likes as side dancers with slightly more clothes...take a topless man…take a good old song, throw in some jarring music..hire a pub for the location and make a remix..Purfect…ah..did I tell good old song..actually let me correct myself a bit..of late, even the new numbers have versions…First of all u have a song…then u will have a remix..then u will have a different band from a different country doing a new remix of that…and some more....so as a result in a span of a month..you would have bore with around 3-4 versions of the song..talk of speed creativity... The worst thing about this category, apart from the overdose of absolutely unaesthetic skin show is the fact that they actually screw up some numbers…Beat this!!! I have even heard a Trance version of Mozart… At this point, I don’t know why but I am reminded of the famous Morrison song…When the music is over……

5......5.......5.....

There are words that remind you of things..people, places, incidents…No rocket science in mapping or stuff like that, but its just that cause of one reason or the other, certain words come with very strong association, like the one we have seen over here…Words we couldn’t even think, back home would mean something, inadvertently result in changing our countenance when uttered in this desert land… 5…. 5… 5… Sitting in a secluded room (even with 2 A/c’s) with asbestos sheet roofing and a workshop below is very painful. On that imagine suddenly, in the middle of work, the speaker phone blasts…5….5….5….Line no…XYZ…..5…5….5…..and we were like what the hell is that….never mind, could be anything…However, our curiosity grew when it started recurring very often…the same words…5…5….5…We couldn’t help it once and asked the admin guy here….n imagine what it came out to be….the guy actually shouts…Fire…..Fire….Fire….God damn it…how come there is a fire every now and then…and the best part was some days back, when he actually screamed..Fire…..Fire….Fire….I DON’T KNOW WHERE IS FIRE…. Khallas… Every thing in this desert land goes khallas…to people..to money…to characters…to incidents…to opportunites…to fear….just like the way back home, where everything can be prefixed by the word Sexy…here the same applies to Khallas…any context….any adjective…everything goes Khallas… Right from the steward saying…the chicken is khallas (which could mean either the bird flu…or the use of genetically modified chicken by KFC or the fact that chicken is sold out….) or the CEO saying…the project is khallas..(which could mean anything depending on his mood) or the driver saying…the sun is khallas…(which could mean that either evening has descended or that summers have ended)….so that’s Khallas for you ….meaning anything and everything…… Head Bath.. I won’t delve deep into it but for me its quite a learning enhancement to know that Head bath actually refers to rinsing your hair..!!!! Yo Babies… This is not from Saudi Land…rather this has emerged as a reason of my being friends with 2 singhs…Pranav Singh and Kulbir Singh…the first Singh has to use Yo in every thing just like the second Singh has to use Babies..and here I am…starting to use Yo Babies..as an answer in affirmation to any question being asked and regarding some of my colleagues, being consultants by profession, they cant help but adopt best practices…the result….Its Yo Babies for lunch being over, to will you come for a stroll…to did you get the data… Thank God..I just managed to refrain myself from uttering Yo Babies when the client asked me …is the project going good???

Blockbuster dialogues in Saudi Land...

This place, Saudi Arabia, houses a lot of communities and one common thing that binds them together, is their ability to deliver blockbuster dialogues at the drop of a hat...u have the lebanese/egyptians etc orating the simplest of lines in the most elegant of manners, the south asians (indians/pakistanis) just not letting their MC, BC go away and the Fillipinos with their cocky sense of homour...its really interesting...Here without going into the names, I will just try to make an attempt to replicate them....obviously i cant bring the expressions and the juices but then my friend, use ur imagination..... (the context is given in italics) Egyptian/Lebanese... (when asked how organized or disciplined wholesalers are in this part of the world) "My boy....i have to count my fingers everytime after shaking hands with them".... (when asked about the ethical level of workers here) "Ask them the price of their mother" (when asked how much subordinates fear the bosses) " Whenever they make a mistake, u know whats the first thing they do....oil their groins...n when they come, they exhibit it to me...cause they know i will slap it hard..very hard...n if i have problems finding it, i will slap it even more" Hows that!!! Indians/Pakistanis In this section, i will just narrate one dialogue which was delivered by a very senior person, explaining why so many companies are having declining profitability and hence the need of consultants...please read it in proper Jat style " Yaar dekho, hum log yahan aaye the sale suit pahan ke...par hum hai bade hi dildar...ek ek kar ke humne apne sare kapde logon ko de diye aur b@#^@%^@ nange hote chale gaye..pahle coat gaya...phir shirt gayi ..phir pant...ab dekho ji..sirf yeh chadhi bach gayi hai...ab humne socha isse pehle ki humari maa c%#@ jaye aur hum total nange ho jaye...bahar waloon ko bula lo...to yeh aapka kaam hai...humari is fati hui chadhi pe..thoda kapda dal ki jayen..nahin to L%$# lag jayenage humare aur hum beech chaurahe pe total nage ho jayenge...." Talk of carrying soil in ur boots!!!! Fillipinos They dont give blockbuster dialogues like the previous two but they got this uncanny ability to talk of real bizzare things in a very very serious manner..here i wont get into the details but just let u know one of their topics of frequent discussions which will give u enuf idea about their cocky nature... ""Which is better....11 children with one wife....or 1 child with 11 wifes""

Sure shot ways to make your employees run away..

1. Bad Boss: Give a person a nasty boss and trust me, he wont stay for long. I have heard of so many friends of mine, opting for jobs with pay cuts, worse profiles, worse places but the hope of a good boss. I mean, the worst thing one can happen to a person after he slogs himself out is to be confronted by a boss who will first make him feel like a piece of shit, take away all credit or blame him for everything going wrong on Planet Earth and add to that bosses who still have attitudes like Mr. Ford, who view people as nothing more than resources...u know whats going to happen... Ya, one thing here..the bosses i am referring to here, could be ur immediate boss, his boss...anyone in the chain or worse still..the man in the corner office...and if he is bad...God save the place... 2. Bench: This is rather simple..hire a person...give him salary...give him designation...but dont give him work...or even better give him something which is called work but is in essence nothing less than what is known as IM (Intellectual Masturbation). What is really amazing is there are enuf organizations which think that putting people on bench is a way of making the employees happy as they feel that people like money but not working...if only better sense prevailed over them... 3. Piss him off: Unlike in the previous 2 rather defined ways, there is no exhaustive definitions of pissing off people. But among the best ones that i have seen are: mistrust, lack of respect, or simple bugging. Bugging is something very interesting...there are just so many small ways which an organization can do to bug people, most common being what is called in local lingo as "chindipanti". Mock him, question his every rupee spent, ask him before lunch how come he affords a pizza hut every day, make spying people as one of the peons and office boys' responsibility...simple...straightforward tools but very very effective... 4. Job Profile/Salary: Now this is interesting. When we are in campus, these are the two most important things we gun for. While these still remain extremely important, i personally feel they are filters people use when selecting a job, not so much when leaving a company. Sure, if the job profile or the salary is bad, people will quit..I mean, you can neither be casual about your career nor be content taking peanuts but since a lot of fundas regarding job profile n all become clear once you are in the market and also since companies in similar strata by and large keep the salaries aligned money aint really too much of a factor, unless lets say the difference is huge...

Airport Drama....

That was one of those very few nights when i didnt mind being hit by a bout of insomnia. Lying in the bed...tossing here and there, i am sure even my countenance bore a big grin knowing that i'l be flying back to India the following afternoon and needless to say, absolutely unaware of the drama which was waiting to be unfolded at the airport.. I arrived at the Jeddah airport, completed all my formalities and was waiting at the immigration counter for the final exit stamp on my visa when lightening struck...the immigration guy took my passport..keyed in something in the comp and blip blip the lights turned red...he looked at me...rather scanned me with a look which i must say wasnt the most comforting, n then came the words....there is some problem..go to the police counter....pointing towards a series of glass chambers. I was like...damn..what could be the matter. Neways, i mustered enuf courage to walk in the pointed direction, remembering all gods and goddesses that to my knowledge and as per stories recited to us in childhood rescued harmless and good people when in pain/danger... The scene in the police cell was no comforting either and the presence of a group of abaya clad women standing there surrounded by police apparently interrogating them for some fault only meant that my turmoil was to last longer. So I kept on waiting with increased heart beat and palpitation. At this point, I looked across towards the duty free counter only to find my colleague being warded off by the police..God what will happen to me!!!! Then came my turn..i walked inside..somehow managed to bring a smile on my face and handed over all my documents to the police. He looked at me, checked the documents, gave me a very dirty look and screamed. ..VISA EXPIRED….U HAVE OVERSTAYED I was like…HOLY SHIT.…I was about to utter the F word but sanity prevailed and ensured that I didn’t commit one more crime in this foreign soil…I looked at him with a blank face..something akin to the face of a hindi movie actor on knowing that his sister has been killed by the villain. The next few minutes passed in a dizzy..i was visualizing how the detention centre would be..how the lashes would be…how would I recuperate from the wounds…what food would be there in the police cell…what other torture ways would they apply…etc etc…. He called up a few senior police on phone, asked me something in arabic which I couldn’t make a word off and then said…200 Riyals..Give me the money…. Trust me, never have I felt better on being demanded money…something in me told that since he is asking for the money, jail wasn’t on the scene..I opened my wallet to give him the amount but was asked to purchase revenue stamps n give..God what was this! How on earth was I supposed to get revenue stamp here…Nevertheless, my belief that good people exist in all parts of the world came true when an African came forward to escort me to the bank to collect them. Being present in an airport without a passport and boarding pass wasn’t too comforting but the fact that I still had the ticket with me was some solace. But it wasn’t over yet. On my way, I was confronted by the airlines people who then seized my tickets as well..and I was given an ultimatum.finish the formalities on 15 minutes or your luggage gets deplaned…Now this was agony..this was totally jale pe namak..but there was little I could do about it…the fact that the Air India guy actually spoke in Hindi didn’t help at all..much to my discomfort. Anyways, courtesy the African, the bank notes thing got done and we actually managed to come back in the counter to collect the ticket and finish the formalities, which took another half an hour or so..it was painful, really painful but nothing compared to first part..Thank God!!! I aint going to the jail…In the end I actually gathered the courage to ask the officer that how come there is a problem since in English its written validity 1 month and its been only 3 weeks..to which he pointed at my something in Arabic which apparently meant to stay for only 2 weeks. Obviously I didn’t have the balls to ask him what’s the reason for this anomaly. By the end of the one hour drama I was like totally drained and virtually gone blank. Spending an hour with police that also in a country like Saudi for a crime as serious as overstay aint a matter of joke. However, all’s well that ends well. And did I tell you that when I had the first sip of beer in flight after a month of hiatus and also after this incident, it was like elixir. The air hostess brought the tray table near me and asked, “Sir what about you?” and trust me, I was about to say, “Yaar kuch bhi pila do..bas tum pila do” but the turn of events in the last 3-4 hours made me measure each word before speaking. So I asked for beer and I actually kept it infront of my eyes and stared at it for sometime…a look typical of hindi movies when the hero meets his beloved after a long time…runs towards her but stops just short..stares at her with stars in his eyes before embracing her…it was exactly the same… I had just the same stars in my eyes…