What they say and what they mean.....

There is something called falsification and there is something called factually correct but totally misleading statements...and corporate life is full of the second one. Though my experience with this species has been short, there are some statements which really amuse me...and the sad part is that they get repeated with alarming frequency...Statements which prima-facie say something but in essence mean something very different...Here, I attempt to pen few such statements that I can think of..(the left hand side is the statement and the right hand side is the actual meaning of the same)

• We are in the process of building up>>> We have been faced with an exodus and we are trying to get people to join us. As of now, we are very thinly staffed.
• Comfort with ambiguity>>> I dont know a shit about the problem you are grappling with. Please do on ur own..with help from...Google (obviously)
• You are at the point of influxion in the learning curve>>> I know you havent learnt anything from me till now...hope in future u can....
• We do not hire people for salary>>> We pay peanuts
• We are a dynamic organization>>> Our attrition rate is over 100%
• We do not believe in fleecing the client and that approach shows in our attitude towards the employees as well>>> Dont expect anything on the employee welfare front from us
• We did not select the guy cause he didnt show a willingess to learn>>> I have no rational reason for not selecting the guy...The cause is in my will
• We will try to bring about change management>> There is no benchmark for my performance appraisal...worst there is no deliverable
• Tell me...where does the organization need to improve..Cumon be frank>> Give me ammunition so that i can fuck ur happiness when i need to do so...
• The organization will get fresh blood with these guys joining>> These guys have nothing tangible to show...
• Our gentleman brings in an amazing breadth of experience across various industries>> Bloody rolling stone